Zeynep Ankara: News and politics

Happy 80th Birthday Mickey Mouse!!!!!

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 13:59:42 GMT

F*ck your taboos!

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 21:54:59 GMT

Years ago, while I read a book at home, I heard some weird noises from stairwell. I went to the door and opened it. The picture was this: There was a little girl (about 7), a young boy (about 17-18) and a little boy (about 4-5). The girl was on the ground without pants and the young boy would just do something to her. The little boy also, was looking at them on the stairs, a pacifier in his mouth. As soon as I opened the door, the young boy ran in a flash. The girl straightened, hold my hand and begged: "Please take me home! I scare!" I asked: "Where do you live?" She said: "In this building." I wasn't surprised, because I didn't know so many people in the building.

When we came at their door, I rang the bell. Her mother opened the door and I tell her the story shortly and covered. The woman didn't say anything, took her child in and closed the door. I went back to my flat and began to wait the police. I thought that I was the only witness about that case and they would ask me some questions. But nobody called me all day long. I thought maybe the woman are waiting for her husband. But no, neither evening nor night nobody came and asked me some questions. So they went on their lives, as if nothing happened. Maybe the mother asked her some questions about her virginity and when she got some "right" answers, she buried everything. Maybe she didn't talk to her husband too. I don't know. And I don't know who was the little boy or what happened him then too. Probably he was living in the building too.

As I mentioned one of the previous entries, the religious news writer Hüseyin Üzmez is now free with a false report. He brazened and went on his TV shows after the jail. His wife took him from jail and drive for him with a great shamelessness. However, there is a victim little girl. She is crying everyday as for some interviews. I read an interview this morning. His father says: "Whenever Hüseyin Üzmez talks on TV's, my daughter's psychology is going to worse. Whatever he says are worse more than violate." How can a health jury give a report like that? How can a little girl doesn't influence by a sexual utilize. According to the report, the little girl didn't influence in psychological and physical ways by that abuse. On the other hand, that little girl is now staying in a Society for the Protection of Children. But her friends are doing her unfrendly things as her father's said. They are laughing at her, to ridicule anyway. When Hüseyin Üzmez on TV, they are saying: "Hey, look at TV, your guy is on..." So she doesn't want to stay there anymore.

There are some mothers here. In the first case, the woman ignored the problem because of social pressure. Maybe she had some fears about her husband too. A housewife always depend on her husband for everything usually. So it is not easy to act freely for them most of the time. In the second case, the little girl's mother knew that Hüseyin Üzmez's abuse but she shut her eyes about that abuse because the man was giving her some money sometimes. The other woman in that case, is a wife. As if she is doing show with his husband. Smiling, walking around, driving... What is that now? A little girl came to harm but the one only suffering is she now. Was that a deep message in all this clowning? If you leak out, you will see! This is the message for all victims...

You know Josef Fritzl case. There is a woman in that case too. The wife of dungeon father. I never believe that woman too. What is the secret about her? Maybe she must be near her husband in the jail... Was that the only reason to fear of that man? Was that the reason not to stay under social pressure?.. F*ck off! You all only thought your "tender" asses! Most of women can turn to a devil for their confort. Poor children are very unprotected in their own families, because of their immoral mothers. No, most of them are not some drug addicteds or alcoholics. They are cooking cakes, they have friends who cook cakes, they have money and they have tender big asses! Besides, that husbands are always have big power or statute. No, those woman don't put up with less, they love that power and confort. They need to drink their children's blood too. Whatsoever your dental or mental problems, go and just f*cking fix a*sholes!

And the real life is just like in the movies so many times. A girl or a boy come to a harm by her father or an other man but the mother doesn't believe in her children, or they make them stop talking. A girl or a woman come to a harm but nobody don't allow her talk. She must be in silence and keep back. If she talks, the second tragedy begins. I know so many abuse stories in real life. All victims couldn't talk because their people didn't support them. If they talked, they stayed alone. When they went to a hospital to get a report about that abuse, the woman workers insulted them first. What kind of a system that is the same all over the world?! Because of fear? F*uck off! Because of social pressure? F*ck off! All these are discusting... The people who must stay alone are not victims. The people who must stay alone are abusers. If you are in silence against an abuse, you are immoral. If you are leaving alone a victim, you are double immoral. If you are making victims stop talking, you are ignoble. I hate to see these shameless faces in every turn.

Latest update:

(the penis thing...)

Good luck President Barack Obama!!

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 11:03:25 GMT

Hope you don't mislead people who believe in peace.

CHILD ABUSE / The pervert with motorcycle helmet and some other pedophiles...

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 20:14:24 GMT

The man in the left picture is a top tenor. I mean he was known like that by now. But he is "The pervert with motorcyle helmet" anymore. I am very upset about the news about him recently. Let's see the story from the beginning: When Ş.Ö. (31) is a conservatory student, he is mixed up in some sexual violations. Some of his conservatory student girl friends are under attack by him, then they pipe off, but the prosecutor finds them implausible. Because they are not virgin... A ballerina has some wounds left by a bite too on her back, but no, that is not enough to bring him to trial. Ş.Ö's father is a chief of police and he is always innocent all about those complains...

He goes on his abusive behaviors for years. The victims are children mostly anymore. He wears his black motorcycle helmet and rides on a motorcycle to follow his hunts. He shuttles back and forth between Ankara and Istanbul. He follows the victims till their home, when he is convinced that there is nobody but the victim at home, he rings the bell with an excuse. As soon as the door opens, he comes in by force, ties the victims hands and mouth with a box tape, switches the television on out and violates. While the attack, his helmet is still on his head. After the attack, he puts a knife near the victim and leaves the house. So the victim will get rid of the tape easily.

In this way, a set of crimes goes on for years. The father retires but the crimes don't stop. The first victim (ballerina) makes another attempt for his arrest recently. She is engaged now and her fiance has some powerful police contacts. Children and the other victims are found and the pervert tenor is arrested.

The man in the left picture is a famous religious news writer. H.Ü. (76) utilized a little girl and arrested for a while ago. But recently, some government health officials prepared a report on that little girl and the man is free now. As for the report, the little girl didn't influenced by that sexual utilize... (I will blow my mind!)

The freedom of this "innocent" man was a real show as for the pictures on the news. His wife was in black religious dresses and she was driving for his husband with a happy face. One of the newspapers interviewed with that girl. The girl was saying: "I am crying every day..." Now some women are following this event and I don't know what will happen. But what good is it? That perversity clouded of the girl's whole life surely. If a pervert kisses a girl's sexual organ, no one can say that is not a worst thing.

All these are totally violence for everybody. People are losing their hold on realities and I am sure it is a good thing in all these cloudy weather. I don't watch any local TV for years but as for the newspapers, the pervert is going on his shows on TV's. As for the man, it was a fall into temptation for one time; it was the devil, not him. I just can say, pedophilia is a chronic condition and people know just one crime by this man. Maybe just one fact came to light... I don't want to look at those picture. Discusting...

And the left picture too, discusting! You know the whole story. I read a new news about Josef Fritz today:

"Josef Fritzl, the Austrian who imprisoned his daughter in a windowless cellar for a quarter of a century and fathered her seven children, has admitted locking his own mother in a bricked-up room for years until her death, in order to punish her for grossly mistreating him as a child.

The self-confessed rapist made his confession to Dr Adelheid Kastner, an Austrian prison psychiatrist who is assessing the 73-year-old's mental state prior to his trial on charges that are expected to include multiple rape, sexual abuse and possibly murder.

"I locked my mother up in a room at the top of the house," the retired engineer told Dr Kastner, whose report was leaked to the Austrian media yesterday. "I then bricked up the window so that she never saw daylight again." (The Independent)"

That is all for now. It was a busy day and I couldn't sleep well last night. As I mentioned before, a neighbor in the building is listening to some authentic musics all night long, till the morning, every day. The last night there were either music and TV or radio together. It is really weird. Some dark faces men, they are slamming, they are going, they are coming... Another neighbor asked something recently: "Two of my door locks are broken. Did you feel anything different nowadays?" He is a doctor and he is not staying in the building at nights. I said: "Yes, there is something different, one of the neighbors are listening to music all night long, it is weird, till the morning." He said "Ummm, it is their private lives."

Ta ta!

Memo: Profile of a pedophile

Contemporary Istanbul Art Fair

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 07:30:31 GMT

Maybe you know, surrealist artist Salvador Dali's art is in Istanbul for a while. I couldn't go to the exhibition but I think I have some time for it yet. I would like to take some pictures too, if they let me. Now I will mention about an other art news. I read a news about Contemporary Istanbul Art Fair this morning. Painting, Sculpture, Plastic Arts, Gravure/Works on paper, Photography, Installation, Video, Original Graphics/Multiples and so on. There was some great pictures too, about it. I want to share with you some of them:

If you put the mouse on the picture, you can see the name of the artists.

The Big Hadron Rap...

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 07:37:45 GMT

Kate McAlpine is a college student in Michigan University.

She explained a complicated theory (LHC) with rap music

recently. I would like to study my all lessons like that in past.

Lol... But I don't like rap music.

Black clouds, peace meeting...

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 18:46:34 GMT

Everything was depressed. I thought maybe I feel good after a different breakfast. A little difference in daily life would make something better. So I had menemen and tea for my breakfast yesterday. You can find menemen's recipe on my "food" category... Well, menemen was a little hot but not bad. Tea was good. I drunk a glass of tea with smoking after breakfast. Yes, I could manage that feelings.

After breakfast, I wanted to translate a chapter from my latest novel 7. For that, classic rock must be with me. But my latest radio was "Suffering... Suffering... Suffering..." I said "Me too... Me too... Me too..." I couldn't listen even one song, so I went to an other radio, hım, nice, Led Zeppelin was always great. While I am working, I caught sight of a little icon on my messenger. This was, that famous depression picture. Actually, I was seeing that icon for days. Which genius put that icon on a friendship / match corner dear? Hım, find friends and go into the depression, haha!! Now I am laughing but not yesterday.

Firstable, I removed that icon and it's column from my messenger and logged off. I took my camera and went out. Maybe to go to the seaside or a short ship trip on Golden Horn would be good. While I am walking to the wharf, I saw so many policemen, police busses and panzers. Some young policemen was joking with one another in the busses. The police barricades became frequent when I closed the wharf. Everywhere was polices, there was just a little civilian population. Maybe I would have a cup of coffee at a seaside cafe. There was some people who are chatting and drinking tea or something else there. I just sat on a chair but a man came and said that they are closed. I said "But there are some people? How you are closed?" He said that they will leave in a little later. I said okay and left there. I looked at around, there was so many polices and all of them were too young. How could be this much too young polices, like children, weird.

I went on to my walking. A big group polices were sitting under a big pancarte. I tried to read it but just could see a few words: "Democratic solution for Kurdish trouble..." Yeah, absolutely, this Turkish-Kurdish trouble f*cked my 20 years! Yes, there is absolutely a trouble! I would like to take a picture about that view but I didn't. I just took a picture about the clouds there. The polices were sitting under the black clouds and the pancarte. Then I decided to leave there soon and went near to a ship to the trip. A man was sitting on a little table to sell the tickets. While I go near him, the man changed his sitting. I asked him: "When will begin the trip?" He said: "About 13 pm." Hım, about half an hour later... I asked "Can I smoke while the trip?" He said "No." The man's body was shouting aloud like that: "Don't talk to me!" I looked at the polices again and left there.

While walking, I looked at that cafe again, people were still sitting there and there was some new faces too. I decided to back home. Polices, polices, panzers, I didn't know it was a different day. So I had to go immediately. I wouldn't want to take a beating from some very young polices in that chaos, lol. Maybe just toymen can bring about a revolution in this country anymore with not to sell cap pistols... I am tired to read some repressed coup courts in the news for a few months. There are some lists about Ergenekon courts. As for the lists, most of the TV stars are death torturer. It is a torture century. I hate the word as torment. And I feel sick, if I feel something like torture with some people. God..... God damn all of you.

It was very interesting, the black clouds became less gradually while I walk. Sometime, I saw a very old house and took a photograph for you. Some alcoholic people are living in that very old houses usually and they fire that houses with their cigarettes by mistake. Or sometimes some malevolent people are fire them on purpose to have that place... I looked up, the sky was beautiful anymore, no black clouds, no polices... and wanted to stop by to a cafe near my house. I just wanted to drink a glass of tea but the man was insistent to give something to eat. I finally said okay, you pick. The man chose that pie with sausage. It was the worst pie that I have ever eat. But tea was great. The teas I drunk outside are always great. I can't make teas like that at home. By the way, I bought some incenses for my living room. You may see that on the table in the picture. It is an ocean smell and I didn't try it yet.

As I read in the newspapers this morning, there was a peace meating about Turkish-Kurdish relation in Kadikoy Istanbul. 30.000 people was there according to a newspaper. But another newspaper was saying that there was 10.000 people in the meeting. I just saw polices. Very young polices and very few civilian population... Maybe they came after I arrived my home. Hımmm...

Free vacation!

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 09:27:22 GMT

There are some interesting websites for a few days stay, if you like adventure or don't have enough money for a summer holiday. Even to get round the world is possible with this way. Some money to eat your fill and "a little" travelling money are enough for that. But first, you have to get into some hospitality exchange organizations. The following links can help you about it:

SERVAS International (With every true friendship we build the basis for World Peace... Dream a little. Become a part of community of global peace-seekers. Learn a new way of speaking, traveling and listenng.)

CouchSurfing (CouchSurfing is a worldwide network for making conections between travelers and the local communities they visit.)

The Hospitality Club (Do you love meeting people from other cultures? Do you love traveling? Do you love helping other people? Then this is the place for you to be!)

Hospitality Exchange (A traveler's directory of hospitable people around the world.)

L / GHEI (Lesbian and Gay Hospitality Exchange International)

meetURplanet (Explore the world today!)

Place2Stay (To place to stay - the place to meet new people, travel cheaply and stay with new friends.)

Welcome Traveller Network (Where WWW means "World's Warmest Welcome!)

Women Welcome Women World Wide (For women only. Aims to foster international friendship by enabling women of different countries to visit one another.)

Maurizio Cattelan's horse...

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 10:17:09 GMT

Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan's hanging horse is still knocking people. The last show is in Sydney Arts Festival now. The horse's body was given to the artist by a veterinary college after it died from natural causes and was given the name Twentieth Century. People are overcame with admiration, confounded, frightened, shocked and forgat to take a deep breath one more time. People always need that...

Some of art workings are just like abracadabra shows anymore. To be sarsastic is important more than to be clever now. If you are not clever enough or deficient in a subject, you can skip to sarcasm and everything hides in a dustcloud. We are overdo for everything but love. We are laughing overdo, crying overdo, eating overdo. Jealousy is ordinary, abhorrence is usual. Violence is the way of cope for everything. I think we lost our bearings completely.

The naivety of the common run of the men is comprehensible but the stupidity of the artist is unacceptable.

Pictures: Some of Maurizio Cattelan works.

Written by Zeynep Ankara

Mobile phone evolution..

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 14:07:01 GMT

MY GOD HAS NO RELIGION, SO I AM FREE, IF THEY LET ME...

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 14:43:02 GMT

After the military coup in 1980, I suddenly began to see some women with being covered around. On the streets, in the universities, in our university... One day I was at school. Psychology and philosophy departments were side by side and we had some common lessons. There was a philosophy student and she was covering herself one time, then wearing in a normal way the other time. She didn't use to talk to anyone either... One day, I heard that our clinic psychology professor roughed someone up in the lavatory that is why she was covering herself. I asked to a friend, who was it. But now I can't remember was it that schizophren or not. In fact was she or not, that act was wrong for everybody.

I remember some stories that I never forgat. One of them, I used to see some covered students in our school sometimes. They had some expensive dresses and objects. They used to light up with Duponts and didn't use to talk to us usually. The other one, when I went to Southeast Anatolia for my documentary for TV, we had gone to a theater play one night. The women were at the upper story, the men also at the lower story in the building (to the women being separate from men). While I wait for the drama's begin, looked at around. There was so many children who came with their mothers. There was some children noise and I wasn't confortable with that after a hard work day... The women were interesting. They had some expensive dresses, black satin gloves and some rings on them which gleaming in penumbra. I saw some car keys too in their hands. They had self confidence more than me. Then the play began and I focused on the stage. But a little later, I couldn't believe my eyes. It was a torment part in drama, one man was tormenting to an other man and the man who had under torment was screaming or groaning bitterly with delight. I looked at a little more, but yes, they were just like some joy screamings. I left the play soon, -women and children were looking at the stage rigorously- and back to the hotel. The director of my documentary was very angry about it the next day morning. As they said, when the play finished, they had waited for me at the door but when they couldn't see me, searched all night clubs in the city. And finally they had gone back to the hotel and learned that I was in my room since hours. Lol... And there was a neighbour. She was so young and diligent television cameraman. She used to ride a bicycle every morning too. I don't know why she covered herself first but I think I was just an only friend for her. We never talked about religion or God also.

IN FACT, I WANTED TO WRITE A DIFFERENT ENTRY BUT SOME ASSOCIATIONS BROUGHT ME TO THIS LINES. I READ A NEWS THIS MORNING ABOUT EUROPEAN COURT OF HUMAN RIGHTS. ONE MORE NEGATIVE DECISION FOR A WOMAN WHO HAS TURBAN. THERE IS A HARD FIGHT ABOUT SOME LIFE STYLES, RACES AND RELIGIONS IN EVERY WAY IN THE WORLD NOW. AND NOW, WHEN EVER I GO OUT, I SEE SOME MORE COVERED WOMEN IN EVERY WHERE. THE FOLLOWING INTERVIEW CAN EXPLAIN SO MANY THINGS ABOUT THIS SYSTEMATIC INCREASE. I ALWAYS TRIED TO UNDERSTAND SOME PEOPLE AND THEIR RELIGIONS. AS FOR ME, I HAVE A GOD BUT MY GOD HAS NO RELIGION. SO I AM FREE, IF THEY LET ME...

THEY SHOT THE SUN

"The maximum torment is to hear a human scream that is in pain."

While I go to X's house, I am thinking about that how could the torture steal into our routine life secretly like that and how could it sit on the first place... And also the wide range torture ways are presented to the necessity of life. On the other hand, this kind of life is lowering the water of our cells. We are dying back as plants... Ask your tongue, how many times moving for torture words in a day. We are saying "Official torture!" time and time again and we don't find very strange it. More important, something is making blind our conscience and we are stopping our ears for some screams which are rising from januis clausis. While we are witness of some kind of routine life tortures, we are remaining silent, passing over in silence or holding ours course. Because, just that moment, we are trying to ward off a torture.

While I knock at the X's door, my friend Z's traumatic eyes are filling my mind. He is a journalist and working at a politic review. After an arrest we came together in his house and talked a few days ego. I can't forget his eyes and when I remember again and again, I feel tired... But now, I have to clear my mind and focus on X... Not much, I am going to a few years ego. X and Q are moving to a ground floor of an apartement. Q is a faculty of medicine student. They have a silent and introvert life style. Then, some screams are rising from that ground floor sometimes. Finally one day, X is covering herself with a bigotry way and can going out like that way.

X had turned into a flower garden their house. Curtains, sofa, cabinet coats... everything is varicolored. The living room is dark and frowsty. Television is on but its volume is off. There is a famous populer music warbler on the cassette player. That singer is teaching freedom and to be tolerant to the women with her songs... There is some purple spots on X's face.

- Hello X, and thank you for this conversation... But above all, we have to an agreement about a subject. Is it trouble for you, if this reportage is published one day?

- It is not inconvenient to me... But still, please don't write my name.

- Okay... You didn't use to cover yourself in a bigotry way... How did it happen? Did you give a decition by yourself for it or what?

X is disposing of the questions while adjusting her hairs with highlights. On the other hand, she is sipping a cup of vodka-cola.

- Have I a right to something for give a decition? Needless to say that... It was Q's desire. If you take a beating too much every day, take up your cross.

- Please mention your whole life by now briefly.

- I was living at a slum house with my parents and six brothers and sisters... rats and bugs also. I was the eldest child. So, all family work is done by me. For all that, I finished the secondary school. But they didn't give leave to thereafter. My father asked me for cover my head and live in the house. I couldn't go out the house without cover my head. But when I move away a little from the quarter, I was taking out the headscarf and enclosing the handbag... Thereabouts, I met Q in a company group. He was living in a bachelor house with his some friends. I went so many times there. We were go to bed without to go too far -because I was virgin-, when his friends are out.

- How was Q's thoughts that times?..

- Although he used to go to the Friday prayer but his thoughts was not deep as present.

- On another note, how was Q's family relations?

- He has not a family... He was a desolate. He had grown up in a home for poor. Then... When he left there, some people had attended him.

- Who are they?

- Believe me, I have never met among them by now. But I know that they have a great effect on him. For examble school expenditures, rental payments, food, culinary costs are paid by them.

- Is there any others who get the financial help like this that you knew?

- Q has a friend... He is going to the law school. I know that he is getting the financial help too. And he is a desolate too. Besides, Q's bachelor house friends are were like that.

- When did you begin to live together at the same house?

- We slept together and he bore the blame about my virginity... But it didn't happen easily. He began to mumble at first: "I can't marry... I have school yet... Then I have soldiership... bla bla bla!.." I said I can't back home like that. This time he said "I can't sure that the blood which is on the bed sheet is virginity blood." He cut off the bloody bed sheet and took away to his school. By the way, his housemates began to stay elsewhere for the time being. When I said "If you leave me, I'll go to the office of the public prosecutor", he rented this house for us. The first day here, he said "Forget the marriage! It will be just common law marriage..." He did every kind of torture to me ever after. (My eyes were tied. They said "Flat on the back, put your hands on your shoulders and open your legs!" I realized that they were drunk because of their smell.)

- Please explain more... What kind of tortures these are?

- Beating, not to talk, what ever you think... They drove him, he drove me... They don't want me. So Q is doing whore treatment to me. I was crying to my heart formerly, but then I began to bawl. (They began to give high-pressure water and I began to bawl.)

- What happened then? I think it was heard around.

- (Quietness) No one took care a damn. When they saw me around the house, they avoided to look at my eyes. The men were prying, the women however as if they were feel happy about my picture. (The biggest torment is to hear a human scream that is in pain. I was also hearing another screams in torment... But you can do anything. You have your hand tied. Maybe you can pound on the door for to stop torment. But no one took care a damn. I dare say, they were wishing us for to hear all that screams. The second pain is to become familiar with screams... to sleep between them. You know, the human is becoming familiar that screams, just like that this world became familiar with torment. You are becoming surfeited with everything... It is so disgrace.)

- Did I understand right your sayings?

- Yes, yes!.. Then I always caught it and swallowed everything. (While I cry, I was thinking always like that: It will come to an end in any case! One way or another! I was thinking of it all the time. Howsoever it goes on, torment will come to an end and you will go out from here. No matter how, you will go out. You know, you have to hold your humanitarian identity herein. After you go out from here, you have to at peace with yourself. Don't fawn on them, don't weep to them. Because this is true that they can't understand you. So, let them go off for whatever they want to do on you.)

- What was the other people's point of view about Q?

- By jove, I always find this weird. Everybody is conducting to him well. As if nothing happened, as if nothing of note... As if, the man who beats is not Q. Either men or women are acting him normal way. (You are chatting with the man who tortures you, while your eyes are open. The man knows that he tortured you, you know that he tortured you. And you are talking together about torment. The man is saying that he is dead against the torment. But you recognize him through his voice. This is the man who says you "Be Adam!.. -Strip to the buff!-, the man who curses you, the man who wrings your testicles, the man who gives you electricity.)

- What do you feel about this?

- (Quietness) Anger!.. (Very young people is dying in torment. So?! We are saying "Ah, one more man had killed in torment" and going on our lives. All of us are the same. Someone is walking again, someone is getting into a bus again, someone is taking a bread again, the life is going on I mean.) Now I remembered... There is a woman in this appartement. Her eyes always on me, always waiting for an opportunity to provoke me to the highest pitch of resentment. I had held open the garbage barrel. I always used to shut down it after shoot rubbish in every night. But, I had forgotten it that night. I am confused so much time nowadays... She said so many pejorative words: Ill behaved, banal... Q was not at home... She grumbled, I remained silent. When I remained silent, she grumbled more... ad nauseam. Finally I said her: "I can't altercate with you. Because our conditions are not same. You came back yet, from a summer holiday. You had tan, your teeth are white and healthy. You are eating meat two meals a day. I know, our conditions will never equalized. So, we never can't fight!" (I stayed just eight days inside. Maybe I ate a half-bread all in those days. I think there was a Nazım quote: "You have to always to have a big gobbet in your mouth." You have to eat. It is really right... But I couldn't eat even I had to do.)

- That means, you can't benefit enough foods at your home.

- Every kind of foods, every kind of fruits, vegetables, meat, milk are bought for this house. I cook three sort of meal every day. I am in the kitchen all day. But when we sat at table, Q count out soon my bites. Besides, one day he said "I have to eat a balanced diet to understand my lessons. They are just enough for me. If you want, you can go back to your father's home."

- I see... May we talk about the way of cover yourself?.. Outerwear and turban...

- One day, he came with a great anger from his school and said "You must either cover yourself or go right away!" I resisted, grumbled, cried but he said "No way!" He lathered again. I felt near fainting for a moment. When I realized that he will not give up his decision, I said okay... Besides, if he had said that a normal way cover, the normal scarf, I would not have done it. I wanted a beige turban, brown shoes, dark glasses and besides a long beige outwear. I can cover myself just like that... (I was seeing under the eye-tie... His shoes were interesting... Black, oviform-heeled... white socks... blue pants... I thought that he is a subculture person. You know, there is a big difference between he and you. But their rules are valid.)

- Why you don't want a normal scarf X?..

- No... I wear the mantle of the poor then... or provincial.

- How do you know that they are not peasant?.. Maybe some of them are peasant?..

- They are well-educated people. Most of them are going to the university...

- Well, why dark glasses?

- I wanted it... It is more modern like that way.

- But you have some purple spots on your face... Although you covered yourself, you took a beating again.

- Ah, they are from another reason... I am pregnant for two months. Q doesn't want it.

- Is he putting pressure on you to procure miscarriage? Is he lathering you for it?..

- Yes... He is hurling me to the room and pressing my abdominal region with his heel.

- In other words, a man who will be a doctor doing all these...

- But my baby still "here"!.. I will bear my baby!.. This baby will come into the world... Although I daunted him so much yesterday. Maybe you know, there are some candies for children... like pill... I took them lavishly while he blame me. He made me vomit by force. He thought that I took pills really.

- It appears that your life had turned into a kind of torture X. What do you think about hereafter?

- There is no where that I can go. I can't go back to my father's home. I can't create a new life for me anymore... Even if I live some terrific badness, I will not leave here... Besides, he is a good person actually. He is dealing badly by me because of they are putting pressure on him. (A foreign hand is coming and touching your testicles and wringing. I really can't understand that man. Maybe there are so many words to say about him here but no word can explain it. I couldn't understand it... You are doing hardship to a human that no the other one of vitals can do it to a human. And you are thinking that this is because of work and responsibility!.. I don't think so that they can fond of anything in life. They had lost their humanity. They are some kind of another poor creature. Maybe they had got lost between human and unknown critter. And I am just feel pity for their plight.)

- What do you think all about these?.. It must be some effects on you...

- Look... I am thinking that what did I dream every morning nowadays. No... I don't dream anymore... Besides, I used to build up fanciful hopes when I lay down myself in the past. I used to see wonderful things about future, when I closed my eyes... But now, I can't build up fanciful hopes too. I am straining, but no... Everything is cloudy. (My hopes... No, I didn't lose my hope about life! I know I die if I lose my all hope. They already want to destroy my hopes to destroy me. That is the main issue.)

The pop music warbler is singing, X drinking vodka-cola, I am thinking. (But there is so moments that you can discover some fine details of life there... I had come back from toilet. I had lied down. I was thinking... Suddenly, a water-drop dripped from my moustache to my mouth. It is unspeakable, you know?.. Here it was a thing that saying that life is going on. I realized that moment, there is still some fine things even if between all these badness. It was the one of things that energized me there too. A drop water is dropping from your moustache to your mouth and you are feeling that you are alive. And together with it, you are meeting with so many affronts, physical pains... But you are forgetting all these in that moment. It is through a drop of water. Thanks to that water-drop.)

When I leave X and Q's house, realizing a reflection in X's eyes, just like in Z's eyes. To tell her experiences, as if redoubled her awareness. (They will not have a human do torment in future. Even though they enforce... The humanity will be come this point.)

I am thinking that I don't dream too anymore. Yes maybe rarely I can but they are startling me. Just like the towards of this morning... I had woken up with a deep trouble... It was a dream which has no beginning. The whole of the dream had cleaned quickly from my memory. Just some last instantaneouses: They had shot the sun. It is buried with shaken to the horizon with a great pain. All around getting dark. It is the end... The end of everything... A young man shouting from somewhere: "THEY SHOT THE SUN!.." "Finally, they shot the sun!.."

Will the dimensions of violence go beyond the limitations of the world one day? One day, will they shoot the sun too?.. Please don't remain silent. Because to remain silent and to be unreactive are not refusing always. Sometimes it is accepting, besides approving.

Close your eyes and listen... Listen to the screams.

Cumhuriyet Yunus Nadi Newspaper Report, the first prize, 1990-1991.

Copyrighted by Zeynep Ankara

After the China Earthquake... People are trying to come to life.

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 05:24:33 GMT

News from spaces...

Wed, 07 May 2008 11:09:43 GMT

Kes is looking for people to join his police force to look for Madeleine McCann all around the world. Maybe we need so many voluntaries in every country, in every city, in every street all around the world. If you would like to join his police force, please visit Kes's space and do what ever you can. He is working too hard and need some help.

I am too a Maddicop now. The left picture is my badge. I have a Maddie yellow ribbon also. Our ribbons are in Madeleine's home town now. You may look at the right picture for that. While I sign Madeleine's Birthday Card, I was sorry. She should be with her mother by now. I find it hard to believe that why this little girl can't back to her family. I want to believe a "happy" end about it, what is the happy end anyway now. Maybe so many people are praying for her, maybe so many people are looking at some little girls' face that is why is it her or not. If there are some people who know where she is, it is sad... Hope we celebrate Maddy's next birthday with happiness.

The second news from spaces, about Flying Monkeys. It is a Stephen Craig Rowe concept. The space's title is: "Flying Monkeys MSN Spaces Windows Live New World News Out Of The Ash And Into The Light!.. The key is yours to make this a better place." If you like this concept, you may join us there. For that, please visit Flying Monkeys or Stephen Craig Rowe's Painting Studio. Actually he has some health problems lately but still a diligent spacer. So many artists are like that. When they have a trouble, they fight with art against it...

The other news is about one of my new spaces friend. I met her via Flying Monkeys. If you visit Tranquility and Lavender Rain, you will see a great site there. It is really an impressive site. You will like Barb's fresh and mature tecnical style also. I think this is one of the greatest sites in MSN spaces.

(Memo: My roof trouble is still going on. Yesterday nobody came to fix it. Sometime my cellphone rang (at 3.15 pm) only two times but I couldn't reach. It was an unknown number and I didn't call it back. Then, I sent a cellphone message to my landlord but there was no feedback. This morning, my door bell rang, I opened the doors (just three iron ones) and said "Who is this?" but nobody answered. There was nobody on the stairs too. I said "Damn it!" While I was writing this post, my landlord called and I said all these things and added: "I turned into a monkey here, please fix it anymore. What a weird thing this is!" He was very calm and I think he like so much that is why I said monkey to myself. Sigh...)

U2 - BONO CALLS FOR PEACEFUL OLYMPIC PROTESTS

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 12:10:02 GMT

"U2 frontman BONO is urging pro-Tibet campaigners to keep their demonstrations "peaceful" as the Olympic torch relay makes its way around the world. The Olympic flame was lit in Greece last week (ends06Apr08) and will travel trough 20 countries before it's carried into the Beijing Olympic Games opening ceremony on 8 August (08). But the relay has been plagued by controversy, with campaigners contesting China's treatment of pro-independence movements in Tibet. Protestors clashed with police at the London leg of the relay on Sunday (06Apr08) and the flame's subsequent visit to Paris, France, was also marred by violence. Bono has now voiced his support for the pro-Tibet campaigners but has pleaded with them to keep their protests trouble-free as the torch begins its journey across the U.S. He says, "I would like a peaceful outcome, for the torch and in Tibet. I hope China takes this opportunity to address the issues. "It's like waterboarding in the US; it's important to address the issues."

I am a member of a Bono site and got this news today.

Nubs

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 08:00:57 GMT

When I saw this picture in the morning, my eyes fulled with tears.

According to a news, an ABD soldier attended to a badly wounded

cur while he was in Iraq and sent him to his country. His wife took

care of dog till his term of office expire... This is the picture of this

soldier Brian Dennis and his dog Nubs when he back home.

Cat extermination camp!

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 17:52:36 GMT

I read a news today. There was some related pictures about it and I chose one of them. As you see, the cats are like sardines in the cage. Some people are carring them to an unknown place. The unknown place is an extermination camp. Thousands of cats which abandoned by owners will be killed in Pekin. China will do the honors to the next Olympics. The government of China claims that this camps are a precation for infectious disease. But animal rights groups are saying that it is just a blind excuse. According to them, all these are to clean the streets before the olympic games and some tyke tikes were killed last year with the same "reason". F*ck!..

For Madeleine McCann...

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 07:07:47 GMT

There is a new post on Madeleine's space:

http://madeleinemccann.spaces.live.com/