 | | |
| | |
|
Spaces home  Zeynep AnkaraPhotosProfileFriendsMore |  Tools   |
|
Zeynep AnkaraI know how you want me to feel... (THIS SPACE CONTENT COPYRIGHTED BY ZEYNEP ANKARA. DO NOT COPY.)
November 15 HimynameisZeynepandIamasmoker!Yes, I love smoking. When I lighted up, I take a deep breath first, then I whiff with a great joy. And it goes all day long... not. Let's stop here a little. It was, I was a hard smoker and I used to smoke about 30 cigarettes in a day. But not now. Now I have usually 7 cigarettes in a day. It maybe 6, maybe 8 sometimes. So, I am not a hard smoker anymore. Some friends are talking about quitting completely. I quitted smoking a few times in past. I can quit easily, I have not a problem about it. I decide in one moment and it can go for months. I didn't smoke one or two years once. I can quit easily but I can start easily too. So, I wanted to do something different this time. Firstable, I noted my habit routine. Let's see what was that:
* Early in the morning, while I was reading the news on the net. > 1 or two cigarettes.
* While I was preparing my breakfast. > 1 cigarette.
* After breakfast. > 1 cigarette.
* While I was pulling my eyebrows. > 1 or two cigarettes.
* While I was painting my face. > 1 cigarette.
* Before counselings. > About 3 cigarettes.
* After counselings. > About 3 cigarettes.
* While shopping (on the road). > 1 cigarette.
* While writing something. > About 5 cigarettes.
* While having a cup of coffee. > 1 cigarette. * While I was having my cold beer or a glass of wine before dinner. > About 3 cigarettes.
* After dinner. > 1 cigarette.
* While watching TV. > 4-5 cigarettes.
* Before shower. > 1 cigarette.
* While shower. > ooops... it could be but not. Lol.
* After shower. > 1 cigarette.
* Before go to bed. > 1 cigarette.
All these are more than one pocket of cigarette already. I just broke this pattern first. I gave up about all that habit routine. If you want something badly, all universe coordinates to help you, but it is not like that for me, lol. If I want to do a nice thing, all universe coordinate not to help me. Because I am cursed, lol. But don't worry, I am accussomed about it. Anyways, people didn't cheer me always. They turned into a zombie sometimes. Yes. It was the first cutting back day. My landlord (killer)'s brother came to get the rent money. I felt something weird about his attitude but I ignored it. After signing the contract and having the money, he said: "When will you move out of our house?" I said: "You are not the person adressed about it. The person who can say me that is your big brother." I came in and slammed the door. The first thing that I looked at was the cigarette pocket. I marched up and down a little, about 5 minutes after, the telephone rang. It was the Killer (He is a vet and he is calling himself like that). He said "Hello", anyway. I replied nervous. He didn't mention about that moving thing. There was a bank issue, we talked about that a little, that was all. Then I played solitare a little to come back to earth, lol.
Maybe some space friends remember, there was a music trouble in the building all night long. What was a weird thing, all night long! There were so many probabilities about it in my mind:
* The man is deaf.
* Somebody died inside.
* The man won a big money from the lottary and he is saving it in his flat. The music also against the thieves.
* Somebody is torturing someone.
* They are torturing me.
The latest item blinded me, lol, and I decided to talk to that neighbour. The man inched open the door. I said: "Why you are listening to music all night long? I can't sleep for months." He answered: "It is against the thieves." He was looking at some of my body parts and I elevated my voice: "Against the thieves?! You must find an other way about that!" The man slammed the door, I stayed there like a b*stard child, lol. I grumbled a little more while I was going out. That night, there just was just a little music. After then, the man stopped to listen to music at nights. The first silent night, I couldn't sleep well still. Because I was waking up and listening to the air frequently. I was thinking "Hım, nice, there is no music, ah great, there is no music", lol... A few nights was great, I slept very well, what was a happiness! But... now another thing is messing my nights. I am waking up with a water noise from the next building anymore, just behind my head, hahahaha!!! I don't know the time but it is after midnight usually. I think a tap can't resist the pressure of the city's water after midnight. I am trying to sleep again. And I am waking up with a very clean brain in the mornings, lol. I don't know when will they fix it. But if a tap is running all night long, why they don't fix it soon? Just a question.
I just had a funny thing yesterday. I could smoke but I didn't. I needed a LPG cylinder, so I called the shop. It was a different guy on the phone. He was talking like a gay. I asked for the discount rate, because I had read something about that on the newspapers. He said "Did you read it on the New York magazines?" I paused: "What do you mean?" He spent a lot of words, argued round and round the subject, finally I said: "Okay okay, please send my cylinder soon, I will go out." The man didn't like my voice I think. Because the worker who brings the cylinder was just like a lemon seller, lol. So I gave just a little tip...
When a seller insulted me, no, I didn't smoke on the road. When I bored, no, I didn't smoke at home. I can say so many things to cause a cigarette. But, no, all these funny things didn't cause it. I just looked at the cigarette pocket nervously, that's all. Yes, yes, it was not difficult. But there is just one thing in my mind. After my decision, I did some shopping. As you see in the following picture, I got some chocolates, cakes, cookies, some salty things, fruits (pornegranates), some junky things I mean. But while I come back to home, I saw a shopwindow for fat people. I took a picture to look at it sometimes. Because I hope I don't get fat soon in this way. I don't want to turn into an e*ephant, lol, lol...
Yes, the candies are very delightful while I am working on computer, as you see in the following picture. Maybe you will see a covering on the computer too. Some of my space friends will remember my leaking trouble for 7 months. My computer had broken about it. So I am always covering the computer after that day on. There is a saying: "Fear waits for the mountains." I don't know maybe it doesn't make sense for you. What about this: "If you hurt about the hot milk, you will eat the yogurt while puffing. Anyways. Now I will tell you, how a nice thing to cutting back:
* There is more money in my pocket anymore.
* I don't use so much candles and sticks.
* I am relieved a little about my back trouble. I didn't know that the smoke was giving heaviness on my back that much, lol.
* The ashtrays are not getting dirty frequently as before. And they are not taking too much place in the dish washer.
* Yes, I feel healtier.
Oh, I forgat how I smoke about 7 cigarettes in a day now. I never smoke before the breakfasts. After breakfast, I am brushing my teeth, then I am lighting up. While this first cigarette of the day, I do nothing, I am just smoking. Because I am a smoker, lol. After this first cigarette, I never smoke before 2 hours. I can smoke after two hours. Then, after two hours the next cigarette and so on. This is my new routine about smoking. The key is, break the routine, then build a new routine.
As you know, I like to cook some simple things. There was a little cold chicken from yesterday. By the way, I had boiled chicken and made potato salad last night. I cooked a nice wheat pilaf with chicken today. What about the salad? Guess what? It is Zeynep's leek salad. Simple and easy:
Zeynep's leek salad:
Ingredients: Leek / tomato / green pepper / Cucumber / parsley / Lemon juice / Olive oil / salt.
Cut the leek into tiny slices and crumble with salt. Then add water on it and wait one or two hours. Then filter it and add the rest of ingredients, then mix all of them. I had no cucumber in the refrigerator (actually, they were moldered), so maybe you will not see cucumber on the picture. But okay, it was still deligious.
There is nothing special for that wheat pilaf. There was some chicken boiled water and a little cold chicken from yesterday already. I boiled that water again, added a little black pepper and the chicken pieces, then wheats, that's all.
November 13 Okay then, thanku!!So I will be able to post some You Tube videos on my space from now on... It was a busy day. I feel hungry, because you know, if you don't smoke so much, you feel hungry always. Anyways, now I will give a nice hamburger party for me. I have hamburger breads and meatballs anyway. I just already had my ice cold beer too, everything is okay. Then I will watch some TV. Prison Break is a little boring this season but okay, the guys are awesom!
I am leaving you with a nice thanksgiving turkey recipe. I will back to my friends tomorrow. Thanks for the feedbacks about the previous entry.
Love and peace as always, Bye for now. Hug. Ugh. xx
Test, test, test. Can you watch this video please?I still can't watch YouTube videos in this area. I can watch them just via hidemyass. I could watch this video there though, but then when I posted it here, I can see just a blank white square now. Can you watch it please? The video is a random one, not a special choice. Still, hope you enjoy it.
November 11 F*ck your taboos!Years ago, while I read a book at home, I heard some weird noises from stairwell. I went to the door and opened it. The picture was this: There was a little girl (about 7), a young boy (about 17-18) and a little boy (about 4-5). The girl was on the ground without pants and the young boy would just do something to her. The little boy also, was looking at them on the stairs, a pacifier in his mouth. As soon as I opened the door, the young boy ran in a flash. The girl straightened, hold my hand and begged: "Please take me home! I scare!" I asked: "Where do you live?" She said: "In this building." I wasn't surprised, because I didn't know so many people in the building.
When we came at their door, I rang the bell. Her mother opened the door and I tell her the story shortly and covered. The woman didn't say anything, took her child in and closed the door. I went back to my flat and began to wait the police. I thought that I was the only witness about that case and they would ask me some questions. But nobody called me all day long. I thought maybe the woman are waiting for her husband. But no, neither evening nor night nobody came and asked me some questions. So they went on their lives, as if nothing happened. Maybe the mother asked her some questions about her virginity and when she got some "right" answers, she buried everything. Maybe she didn't talk to her husband too. I don't know. And I don't know who was the little boy or what happened him then too. Probably he was living in the building too.
As I mentioned one of the previous entries, the religious news writer Hüseyin Üzmez is now free with a false report. He brazened and went on his TV shows after the jail. His wife took him from jail and drive for him with a great shamelessness. However, there is a victim little girl. She is crying everyday as for some interviews. I read an interview this morning. His father says: "Whenever Hüseyin Üzmez talks on TV's, my daughter's psychology is going to worse. Whatever he says are worse more than violate." How can a health jury give a report like that? How can a little girl doesn't influence by a sexual utilize. According to the report, the little girl didn't influence in psychological and physical ways by that abuse. On the other hand, that little girl is now staying in a Society for the Protection of Children. But her friends are doing her unfrendly things as her father's said. They are laughing at her, to ridicule anyway. When Hüseyin Üzmez on TV, they are saying: "Hey, look at TV, your guy is on..." So she doesn't want to stay there anymore.
There are some mothers here. In the first case, the woman ignored the problem because of social pressure. Maybe she had some fears about her husband too. A housewife always depend on her husband for everything usually. So it is not easy to act freely for them most of the time. In the second case, the little girl's mother knew that Hüseyin Üzmez's abuse but she shut her eyes about that abuse because the man was giving her some money sometimes. The other woman in that case, is a wife. As if she is doing show with his husband. Smiling, walking around, driving... What is that now? A little girl came to harm but the one only suffering is she now. Was that a deep message in all this clowning? If you leak out, you will see! This is the message for all victims...
You know Josef Fritzl case. There is a woman in that case too. The wife of dungeon father. I never believe that woman too. What is the secret about her? Maybe she must be near her husband in the jail... Was that the only reason to fear of that man? Was that the reason not to stay under social pressure?.. F*ck off! You all only thought your "tender" asses! Most of women can turn to a devil for their confort. Poor children are very unprotected in their own families, because of their immoral mothers. No, most of them are not some drug addicteds or alcoholics. They are cooking cakes, they have friends who cook cakes, they have money and they have tender big asses! Besides, that husbands are always have big power or statute. No, those woman don't put up with less, they love that power and confort. They need to drink their children's blood too. Whatsoever your dental or mental problems, go and just f*cking fix a*sholes!
And the real life is just like in the movies so many times. A girl or a boy come to a harm by her father or an other man but the mother doesn't believe in her children, or they make them stop talking. A girl or a woman come to a harm but nobody don't allow her talk. She must be in silence and keep back. If she talks, the second tragedy begins. I know so many abuse stories in real life. All victims couldn't talk because their people didn't support them. If they talked, they stayed alone. When they went to a hospital to get a report about that abuse, the woman workers insulted them first. What kind of a system that is the same all over the world?! Because of fear? F*uck off! Because of social pressure? F*ck off! All these are discusting... The people who must stay alone are not victims. The people who must stay alone are abusers. If you are in silence against an abuse, you are immoral. If you are leaving alone a victim, you are double immoral. If you are making victims stop talking, you are ignoble. I hate to see these shameless faces in every turn.
Latest update:
November 10 7 / 19 / I wish whole world would be my home...
I wish whole world would be my homeEven if my world was tiny...
Time was flying on it’s own account. Pala Father came, Pala Father went, Sabi came, Sabi went, Seven didn’t care of it. Her mother wasn’t taking so much place in her life anymore. On the other hand, the gate of “life” didn’t shut strictly as before. So, Seven could open it freely and sat on the large stone mortar at the door, whenever she likes. Besides, one of the children came near her and invited to play before they started. Seven didn’t ask “Why you didn’t invite me before?” But this question printed in a corner of her mind.
But okay, she forgot all questions in her mind with the candies which her grandfather’s gave. When she saw her grandfather at the bottom of the road, ran to him. As soon as she took the lots of varicolored candies which are in a white kerchief from Pala Father’s hand, ran to the home and lay down on the feather cushion, then began to put the candies into her mouth one by one. The red one was always first. The candies which melt in her mouth slowly, was leaving some sesames sometimes. Seven was smashing them between her teeth carefully. Some candies with susame were always so delicious more than the others. And sugar-coateds. And marshmallows. Huru Mother was loving marshmallows with hazelnut too. She was tossing herself back and leaving a big marshmallow into her mouth, then licking her fingers with joy. Seven was eating the marshmallows like her grandmother. But she was eating the candies with susame like Lady Light. Pala Father was sending the rock candies into her mouth and making them crackle. Seven sent a rock candy into her mouth and made it crackle.
The long days in Karayas were becoming active towards evening. Whenever Seven heard some noises behind the “life”s wall, ran out. She wasn’t like hide and seek though. But they were elder and she was doing what they want always. They were saying “You are in the play”, Seven was feeling happy. They were saying “You are out”, she was feeling unhappy and standing aside. When they said “Stop!”, she was stopping; when they said “Run!”, she was running. When it was time to hide, she was hiding with a big child and buttoning up beside him. She was having her heart jump.
Seven was playing some other plays which nobody knew too, in the group. One day, she hid by herself, while they were playing hide and seek. The it just walked up to her, stared stupidly to the place where Seven’s stood and went. Seven ran in a flash and put him out. The it shouted confused: “How come! I looked at there. There was nobody...” When she thought that she existed, nobody was able to see her. And nobody knew that. That was her secret play.
Still, hide and seek was a boring child-play for her. To be wanted by it, to be called: “You are out!”, to be caught were making her unhappy funnily. She wasn’t a spoilsport or she wasn’t making a lot of noise like the other children. She was making a face, going and sitting on the stone mortar. Anyhow it wasn’t matter to be in sight, after capturing. She was wishing to be an it always, not to hide herself. But they weren’t allow her for it each time. Still, they connived her instead of the other it sometimes. Seven was “too child” as for them. Too child to be taken seriously. They were taking her seriously just when they were playing fireball. The ball was touching all of them soon, but Seven. One day, they began to play fireball about midafternoon; the sun went, the stars and the moon came, but the fireball still didn’t touch Seven. The play was going on, the all children were looking at her dull anymore. Seven jumped, skipped and ran from the fireball like a monkey. All children threw the ball to kick her out but the fireball never touched Seven. Finally the parents shouted their children for dinner. All children ran to their houses directly. One of them lagged behind, came near her and asked vengefully: “What you are?!”
Seven sat on the stone mortar and brooded unhappily. When her grandparents called her, she moved in. Huru Mother was pumping a well. Seven asked her: “Grandma, what am I?” Huru Mother grumbled nervous: “What you are, ha?! You are Seven of course!” Seven smiled and went near to her grandfather. Pala Father was washing some vegetables in a bucket. She asked him to the same question: “Grandpa, what am I?” Pala Father laughed first, then answered: “You are Seven... You are my grandchild!” Seven felt relieved. Two was always better than one. She went indoors. The sugar kerchief was still on the feather cushion. There was an only marshmallow in it. She sent it into her mouth like her grandfather this time.
 Copyrighted by Zeynep AnkaraNovember 08 The story of a dayActually it was not a shopping day but I went out at noon and bought that nice tiny candles and note papers. That note papers are very important to me, now I will tell you why. As some of you know, I don't smoke too much as before. I used to smoke about 30 cigarettes in a day but now it is just 7 cigarettes. It can be maybe rarely 8 or 6. Not bad, it is okay with me... The cigarette papers were very useful for me. I used to cumulate them on the coffee table in my TV room and when some thoughts passed by from my mind, I used to write on that cigarette papers. Or sometimes, while I watch TV, I can note some English words too. It is a good learning. Now, I have not a lot of cigarette papers, so I got that note papers.
In the afternoon, I went in to the kitchen to prepare my dinner. It has a little story. A friend hired a cook recently. She is cooking some great things for my friend. So, she can have some more time to take care of her children and to rest. Yesterday, my friend brought me some meatballs. I actually knew that meatballs. Sometimes I buy them from some pastry shops. But anyway, as my friend's said, that meatballs were deadly delicious more than them... So, I put the meatballs into the boiling water with lemon juice today and began to wait their boil. Sometime, I heard some weezings outside. When the weezings were insistent, I looked at the kitchen window. There was a fire on the neighbour building and I just took some pictures:
A little later, some firemen came and put out the fire, crashed the window glasses (I don't know why), then went. While the fire dieing down, the LPG cylinder ended too in my kitchen, lol, so I put the saucepan on the electric part of the cooker. When meatballs cooked, they began to swim on the top of the water. My friend had said like that. I took them and put in a plate. Then, I smashed a few garlic and mixed with olive oil and added on the meatballs. Then I cut some parsley and added on the balls. I thought that the boiling water must be very delicious and "valuable". So I made a lentil soup with it.
Now I will give you a Stuffed Meatballs recipe. But it is a little different from my dinner:
Stuffed Meatballs:
Ingredients:
1- Boil bulgur in plenty of water until soft. Drain and set aside.
2- Melt margarine and lightly brown chopped onions and pine nuts. 3- Add 350 grams of meat and saute until juices evaporate. Remove from heat. 4- Add pepper, salt, cummin, crushed walnuts, currants and choped parsley. Mix.
5- In a large bowl, combine the remainder of meat with the bulgur. Add cayenne pepper and egg. Mix and knead well.
6- Take a large walnut sized piece of mixture and roll into a ball. With index finger, make a hole and push the inside, making a large cavity. Stuff the cavity with the meat mixture,press hole with fingers to close. Lightly press meatball in palm of hand to shape like an egg. 7- Repeat procedure, making as many meatballs as possible. 8- Add meatballs to salted boiling water and boil for 5 minutes. Remove and drain on absorbent paper. 9- Heat oil in frypan and lightly fry meatballs until golden brown. Drain and serve. Red Lentil Soup With Lemon
3 tablespoons olive oil, more for drizzling
1 large onion, chopped
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 tablespoon tomato paste
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt, more to taste
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
Pinch of ground chili powder or cayenne, more to taste
1 quart chicken or vegetable broth
1 cup red lentils
1 large carrot, peeled and diced
Juice of 1/2 lemon, more to taste
3 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro.
1. In a large pot, heat 3 tablespoons oil over high heat until hot and shimmering. Add onion and garlic, and sauté until golden, about 4 minutes.
2. Stir in tomato paste, cumin, salt, black pepper and chili powder or cayenne, and sauté for 2 minutes longer.
3. Add broth, 2 cups water, lentils and carrot. Bring to a simmer, then partially cover pot and turn heat to medium-low. Simmer until lentils are soft, about 30 minutes. Taste and add salt if necessary.
4. Using an immersion or regular blender or a food processor, purée half the soup then add it back to pot. Soup should be somewhat chunky.
5. Reheat soup if necessary, then stir in lemon juice and cilantro. Serve soup drizzled with good olive oil and dusted lightly with chili powder if desired.
Yield: 4 servings.
November 06 7 / 18 / What are the clouds saying?.. Pala Father turned in on himself and listened to radio most of the time. When a warbler was on the radio, he was all ears. Was that Lady Light?.. Probably not... Huru Mother steeped in the mornings and called him and Seven. Pala Father drunk his tea with one spoonful butter and one spoonful honey. He picked a bit, then went near the radio again and smoked. Huru Mother looked at him concerned. When he went away suddenly without telling anyone, she felt faint. His small wooden luggage was disappeared and some of his clothes too. Seven called the neighbours with fair. The women slapped to sober Huru Mother up. Seven was very confused. Huru Mother opened her eyes and began to cry. One of the women said “Don’t worry, he will come back. They go and come back always.” Huru Mother stopped crying and mused.From that day on, Huru Mother climbed up a hill and listened some human and animal voices. Her lips moved slightly with some weird words. Seven was following her where ever she went. While Huru mother was listening to the air, she listened to the air too, like her. When a man said some positive words or a bird warbled in good spirits, Huru Mother climbed down the hill quickly and ran to a neighbour’s house. That neighbour was a witch as for the natives of that place. Two women talked with bated breath. Seven didn’t like their outcries, looked at the ground. The woman gave Huru Mother some hay in a kerchief. Huru mother fired that hay on a stannous tray in the evening. The hay burned hardly. Then she put Pala Father’s underpants on it and closed her eyes. Her lips moved agitatedly, a weird smell filled the room. Seven was looking at the white underpants. It turned yellow first, then turned black. It didn’t flare up and Seven felt his grandfather’s smell for one moment. She had missed him.One day, Huru Mother climb up the hill again. But there was no noise around. No animal, no human... She sat and began to wait a noise. Seven sat too, beside her. Huru Mother palmed her hair kindly. Seven took a deep breath, she was relieved. Her grandmother looke | ||||||||||||||
Invite as friend
Profile
Blog
Photos
Lists