There were some people who are living on the bottom floor like them. Their doors were mutual. They had come from a small place too. They were a childless husband and wife. But the woman was fat, the man was slim this time. The slim guy was always looking for a job. Some fighting noise was rising from their house all the time. One day, the slim guy left the house, the fat woman stood alone. When Gabi and Sabi went to visit her, Seven joined them. But her mother faced Seven and opened her eyes a bit more. Seven said "I will keep quiet". Or did she do it not to join them? Before entering the house, Seven removed her slippers like her mother and walked in barefoot. The fat woman was scratching constantly. She cried continually as whining. While they were drinking their tea, she sighed deeply and mused. Then she grumbled again... Then she scratched again... Then she stripped to the buff and showed where she was scratched on her body. Whenever she showed the places she scratched on her body, she scratched again. Whenever she scratched, she complained. While she was dressing, her big body was moving ceaselessly in the murky room. She was scratching like to have suffering an attack of the bees. She was like a crazy... Gabi looked at her pityingly.

You were a human being after all

You didn't equal to another,

                                                            never.

 

The others shouldn't shine more than you

The eyes of your lover shouldn't touch to another

You couldn't stand it,

                                                            never.

 

You couldn't stand without doing anything, you couldn't bear...

But when your ignorance got together with your greed

The power would just about turn back to evil

You contented yourself with to covet...

 Copyrighted by Zeynep Ankara

I am the light that rises from the light of lights
Which runs from the endless sky to the earth

I will be a thought and fall into your mind one day
And I will make sacred your thought foreboded

I will be beside you to strengthen the holy light

As the world exist, you fight with the dark
Make a hole on the thick walls,
with the suns which will never die

with a simple word, with a simple sound 

 

                                 and with a simple view.

Then rise to the sky, from the finite earth
Mix with the light of lights.

 

          In the course of time, she began to learn that who was living behind each door. The entrance of the top floor was filled with flower pots. An ivy was knitted around the door. The fat guy and the very slim woman who are living there, were the owner of the whole apartment building. Sometimes they were coming down and visiting them also. When they came, they were bringing some good foods too and sitting for a while. Sometimes Seven's were moving up also. But Mubi and Nubi were always staying at home. Gabi, Sabi and Seven were taking some Karayas foods and ascending the stairs. When they came close to the top floor, the above door was opening to the sound of their footsteps. The fat man and the very slim woman had two children; one girl, one boy. But they were confining themselves to their rooms and they didn't show themselves mostly. But when some ice-cream cones came from the big candy store which was on the street, they were coming out, taking a few ice-cream cones and going back to their room with licking their ice-creams. Whenever Seven heard their noise from their room, she wanted to be with them. She was looking at one her mother one Gabi, but when Sabi opened her eyes wide and closed her lips tightly, she was looking at the ground. The colorful expensive carpet was dazzling... Thankfully, there was ice-cream in Nekanury like in Karayas. And in Nekanury, there was no rush to the iceman who edges away, no bruise on knees and there was no giving a mother for an ice-cream cone (*). It was so easy to have an ice-cream cone here. The fat man was talking to a black machine (**), and the ice-creams were coming!

 Copyrighted by Zeynep Ankara

The right picture is taken from USD War Museum. It was so much "real", so I painted it blue. A little note here; I don't like to see some bone and blood... You can see the bullet hole easily on the forehead. There were so many pictures from that museum but this one says a lot enough. Maybe he was a young man, maybe he had a girl friend who waited for him, or a wife and children. Maybe all that family members are dead now. Maybe they are gone but the war and violence realities stayed with their all heavinesses as always in the world.

 

Some news print itself sometimes. After seeing this picture, I saw some other mind bending news too, and I added them to my archive. I wish I could write fast like you. So, it takes some time always...

 

One of the news was about a hair raiser story about executed prisoners from China. Before taken from prison, some drugs are given to them, then they are put into a special small bus in the prison yard and placed in a bed in the bus. The bed is like an operation table and the prisoners are tied in that. Then, three drugs are given to the prisoners. One of those intravenous injections is sodium tiopental (to lose consciousness); the other one, to stop breathing; the last one, to stop heartbeating... As soon as this process completed, the organs of the prisoners are taken one by one and the execution bus is going to some various health institutions. According to the news, the foreign patients also benefit from those organs. The executions and the receiving organ surgeries are recorded every minute also. Last year, 1715 executions are realized. This horrible practice, already been done by Nazis too in the Second World War, in a rather primitive way. The execution bus of Chinese is a high-technology products... Oh God, please save my mind!

 

The next news about the current Governor of Canada Michaelle Jean. To support the seal hunters in her country, she removed a seal heart with her hands and ate it raw. Oh God, please save my mind!

 

And two discrimination samples: 1. In Swaziland, AIDS patients will be stamped on their hips. Can you imagine this; people will check each other's hips before having sex... 2. In Rio de Janeiro, the rich quarters are surrounding with a wall. In this way, the rich shits will not mix the poor shits. Oh God, please save my mind.

 

Technology and primitiveness are rising together today's world. The values undergo an erosion, all kind of violences are being used to cope with "problem"s. I said "problem"s, because people lost their directions; what is right, what is wrong, they all intermixed. To intimidate with fear is the best way of authority now. The traditional parts of the societies trying to win power more than yesterday. Some rotten tradition figures dressed the lamb fur and they are trying to make some peaceful people stop talking. Because they don't want peace. No, they don't want it... They don't need some real peaceful people too, because they have wall flowers... Two-faced policies are valid now. Some ugly authority figures are going among people; with a "respected" authority, with a "peaceful" leader, with a "kind hearted" mother masks and they are trying to build some tragedies on people in many "kindly" ways. Cruelty wore a lamb fur also. And the world divided into two: The people who are one step ahead and the people who are one step behind. Oh please, we all tired with all those fake gods. How many grave stones which will be written "He was a God -too-" on it?.. See, fear and anger increased more and some people who have no hope, switched to terror firmly. Surely we all have a responsibility for that. Because, the violence is everywhere in every point. Like in my blogging journey...

 

 

1- A Touch of Evil - Orson Welles - 1958
2- Vertigo - Alfred Hitchcock - 1958
3- Psycho - Alfred Hitchcock - 1960

4- Rear Window - Alfred Hitchcock - 1954
5- What Lies Beneath - Robert Zemeckis - 2000
6- The Sixth Sense - M.Night Shyamalan - 1999
7- Strangers on A Train - Alfred Hitchcock - 1951
8- Wait Until Dark - Terence Young - 1967
9- Stir Of Echoes - David Koepp - 1999
10- Shadow Of A Doubt - Alfred Hitchcock - 1958

I know your pain didn’t stop my mom

The reflection of Mana didn’t leave your mind

You touched knife to your wound, still you didn’t forget him.

Teach me to bear when the blood flows,

Teach me not to hear the fluttering heart,

not to mention while emotions flicker;

teach me too my mom, teach me.

          They came with an overnight journey to Nekanury. The things which come from the house with Mana laid on the truck. While they were saying goodbye, they kissed and hugged to each other. Then Seven and Sabi got on the truck, Nubi had just switched on the motor. The truck moved. While Huru Mother and Pala Father were looking behind them, Seven had turned her eyes on the road already. Whenever they moved forward, the motor noise increased gradually and a humming noise covered all the sounds of the nature. Seven got choked up and swallowed frequently. Whenever she swallowed, the noise was back to square one, increased more suddenly. Even if she said she didn’t feel cold, her mother wrapped her up tightly in the striped blanket. There was a thick blanket on her knees too. She had removed her shoes and worn wool socks. Sometimes she was talking to her brother. And sometimes Nubi was answering her. They were not angry and silent like they came to Karayas. They were also telling something Seven too. Every now and then, they were eating some apples, pears, cucumbers which they took from a wooden box all together. Sabi drunk some buttermilk from a large jug, then looked at Seven as if like asking “Do you want to?” Seven knitted her eyebrows, primmed up her mouth, as if like answering “No”. She was loving to act like an adult sometimes. To say with facial expressions was one of her best games. She didn’t want Huru Mother’s cheese roll too... Sabi lit up sometime and gave it to Nubi, then lit up another one for herself. So her mother was smoking too. She was holding the cigarette clumsily though, but she was swallowing the smoke like her grandmother. One Nubi, one Sabi; finally a dense smoke filled into the truck cabinet. Nubi put down the window a little hardly.     

 

         Seven didn’t see Sanu in her dream. She didn’t call her into her dream also. Sometimes she shook her arms like saying goodbye and sighed. She woke up sometime agitatedly and shouted at her mother: “Mom, we have to go back. I forgat something!” Sabi answered her sleepy and listlessly: “What did you forget?” Seven answered agitatedly: “My pompons! Please Nubi, we have to go back!” Nubi smiled, Sabi giggled. “My pompons, we have to go back!” When Seven’s whimper took a long time, Sabi shouted at her, Nubi startled by her voice: “Damn your tongue! Let me get some sleep, you already tired me, bad seed!” 

 Copyrighted by Zeynep Ankara

I walk the mountains ..I pass the seas
I love someone
I keep two wishes
I walk and go

someone told that the love is living in a star
tomorrow night I will be there

someone told that the love last just a moment
tomorrow night would be late

I talk to the birds and I sing to the trees
I love someone

and when I am singing I made prayers
I walk and go

someone told that the way is the vein of fire
my soul always to roll

someone told that the trip is only a prayer
my heart be always alive

someone told that the love is living in a star
tonight I will be there......

 

(Who is this poems's auther Sugar? Is that you?..)

 

 

Have a good weekend!!

          Oh, not again, her grandmother had brought the leech pot for Fabi. Seven stared at the pot in discust and fair. “What will the leeches do to you Fabi?” Fabi didn’t answer Seven. “Will those leeches suck Fabi’s blood grandma?” “Yes.” “Grandpa?..” “Hum?..” “Pufff, nothing.” Seven didn’t say anything else to her grandfather, because maybe he wouldn’t reply her. Huru Mother put the leeches on Fabi’s back, the leeches glued as soon as they lay on him.” Pala Father talked to himself, while he was picking the leaves of a red rose to make jam: “Leeches suck blood...” Seven felt glad when her grandfather said something. She went on to watch the leeches with in discust. Sometime, some urchins passed by with using bad language. They were going to the meeting house by that time nowadays. They were dressing clean and combing their hairs smoothly to go there and their walkings were rather gently. There were some girls between them, but they were just talking back and forth and standing apart from the boys. The boys were blustering and spluttering...

          The urchins passed by with prayer books in their hands and the street became quiet again. Huru Mother dropped a fatty leech with blood with a stick from Fabi’s back, the leech sounded weird on the dusty ground. Pala Father looked at the leech and smiled derisory. Seven tried to mimic him. Her grandfather looked at her a little, then asked: “Would you like to go to the meetinghouse like urchins?” Seven said “Yes!” happily. Pala Father said: "Let's go then." Seven ran inside in a trice and took the worn book of God. Pala Father left the rose plate on the ground, stood up from where he was sitting, adjusted his cloths, then held Seven’s hand. They passed by the “life” and went out of the gate. When they were walking to the meetinghouse, Seven could scarcely contain her curiosity. When they got there, Seven held his grandfather’s hand more tightly. She was seeing the inside of the meetinghouse for the first time. The ceiling was too high, there were a lot of gleaming chandeliers. She took a deep breath with the coolness on her face. When they were walking on the expensive carpets, Seven saw that the urchins surrounded a prayer. The urchins cast a furtive glance at Seven and returned to their books. The prayer looked at Seven and Pala Father a little while, then he signed the urchins to clear a space for Seven. The urchins cleared a space for Seven, Seven sat there and kept the book high. When the prayer pointed the table, she put the book on it.

          Seven didn’t even look behind of his grandfather. She was bursting with joy. Maybe the urchins didn’t let her join their play group, maybe they didn’t talk to her when she went near them, maybe they said “Her bottom is black”; but now they were sitting side by side, they were doing the same thing. Besides, they weren’t looking hostilely at her. This was not a child’s play though, but okay, this was like a game for Seven. She watched the prayer curiously. The prayer went on his lesson. He pointed some letters with a long stick, the children translated the letters into the sounds. Seven wanted to do like them as soon as possible. For that, she was all eyes. Sometimes she was looking at the book and sometimes she was looking at the prayer. She startled with the prayer’s stick noise sometimes. If a child said something wrong about the letters, the prayer was hitting in the shoulder with the long stick. Seven was looking at that child confused. (Oh, did it hurt?.. And you? Ha?.. Did it hurt ha, did it hurt?!) Whoever got a hit in the shoulder, left it out and went on. The prayer never hit Seven with his long stick. Anyhow she didn’t know anything. So not to know anything was enough not to get a beating. But she should so learn that she shouldn’t read wrong and she shouldn’t get a beating. Huh!

          And Seven began to be careful her face. She dressed well and clean. After she wet her hair, her grandmother combed her hair with a bone comb with big toothes, plaited it tightly. Then she looked at her face fondly, pinched her cheek. Seven hugged the book orderly and took the road to go to the meetinghouse. The meetinghouse met her with a fresh air. She took a deep breath, looked at the gleaming chandeliers with admiration and went near to the other children. They studied the book till the prayer comes. Either the girls or the boys weren’t unfriendly for Seven anymore. But when the prayer came and began to teach, everyone was foreign to each other. The girls were fixing their shawls frequently, the boys were fixing on the book only. Seven also, fixing her shawl sometimes and fixing on the book.

          When Seven learned to read the book soon, everybody was surprised. Some of them were bigger than her and especially they felt uncomfortable about that. So they didn’t help her as before. They didn’t tell her what to do anymore. She didn’t know what to do either. Besides, the prayer was careful with her. He was watching her every moment. On the other hand, if someone couldn’t read a line, signing her to read and so Seven was reading the line immediately. But then, she didn’t hold her head high, not to see the urchins' angry eyes.

          Here, she learned the book. But nothing changed. Because she doesn’t know what the book’s mean still. Nobody knows. She can’t ask the prayer too, what if he doesn’t know too?!.. Maybe it was not easy to understand the words of God. There might be a secret... So they read like birds and closed their books. Whatever they learned new, was a web of noise. But whenever they read the book, the prayer was like in seventh heaven. He closed her eyes and jiggled. Sometimes the children joined him. They closed their eyes and jiggled too. They were like chickens in a hen house. They were whirling their eyes in their balls carefully, then they were looking blankly, sometimes carefully.

          There was a bigger book of God and to read that book, they should take an examination. They talked among each other about that for a while. In fact, they talked, Seven looked about. When the prayer came to give his lessons, a sudden hush fell on the crowd. While he was walking, he was beating the ground put-put with his long stick. The lesson began with a deep silence. The prayer pointed a line with the stick, the children read it. Sometimes the prayer’s head was up and sometimes down with a deep reverence for God. Now it was his turn, now it was her turn... Now it was almost Seven’s turn!.. At one point, one of the children dithered while he was reading. Everybody looked at him, the silence got longer. Seven held her breath, as if she was almost ready to explode with that electricity. The prayer looked at Seven as if he wants her read. Seven looked at her book, but she didn’t read it. If she doesn’t take a deep breath, her lungs will explode! She was so uneasy that she bit her tongue and she was hurt. The prayer got angry and ordered: “Read!” But Seven didn’t read, kept her distressed silence. The prayer hit in her shoulder with his long stick and shouted again like a thunder: “Read!” Seven was hurt again, but a sudden breath which comes out from her lungs, turned into the words. The prayer’s head was up and down with a deep reverence for God again. Then he gave Seven the long stick. She looked at it, lost in astonishment. The prayer said: “Hit him in the shoulder!” Seven looked at the prayer, still lost in astonishment. “Hit!..” The long stick was becoming heavier more and more in her hand. Seven looked at the boy who couldn’t read the book, then she touched slightly in his shoulder with the stick. The prayer took the stick from her hand angrily and cracked it on the ground. “Like this!” No she can’t... Silence... Why she must do that?.. Silence... High ceiling... Gleaming chandeliers... The prayer gave her the stick again, she looked at it blankly. She wants to be a chicken. Silence... Finally, the prayer took the stick back, hit the boy and Seven in the shoulders one by one, the stick crashed. They both were hurt.

Shed blood, kneel down, give in the hand

Suffer, beg earnestly, shed tears

With prayers, with sacrifices, with ceremonies

With rituals,  with liturgies, with holidays

He is sublime and sacred; serve God, praise to him,

                            

In temples.

 Copyrighted by Zeynep Ankara

 

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until your father gets home."

My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

 

oleaster tree

          She didn’t mind of her look, like before. She didn’t comb her hair from left to right orderly, her clothes weren’t clean and nice. Sometimes her mucus came out from her nose and she dried it on her sleeves like urchins. When her grandfather asked to go to the poplar grove together, she didn’t want to go with him. She didn’t ask Fabi some questions as always. When he said “The weather gets warm and cold frequently because of the season”, she didn’t ask “What season is it?” What season was it anyway! To know which season was that, didn’t change a thing. Besides, there was nobody to tell what she learned. There was no benefit to understand more... It was not helpful to learn more. This was not a benefit. She didn’t want to learn a lot anymore. She didn’t want anything anymore.

          Gradually, nobody didn’t pay little heed her and she got used to it. She woke up with the cock-a-doodle-doo’s of the cocks against the morning and looked out of the window. Her grandmother went to the toilet room outside, then washed her hands and face with water pump. When she began to burn some woods in tandoor, Seven pillowed again. When she woke up, ate a roll with butter and cheese quietly. Her grandparents had eaten their breakfasts already. Huru Mother put a little spoon butter into her tea glass. When butter melts in tea, she tried to read the shapes. Sometimes the cats crawled for food beside her, she threw some crumbs to them. She turned a deaf ear to all noises which come from the street. She was never ever interested in the other children’s play outside. Anyhow, it was not work to remove the pompons on her socks to let her join their play group. They had given  her socks which fallen down her legs a quick, superficial glance, then they had gone on their play. Sometimes she got into the crowd in a blindman's buff and had them catch her, but this annoyed them. However she was sloppy and snotty as much as them. Some flies were lighting on her face like them too anymore...

 Copyrighted by Zeynep Ankara